The reason that every major university maintains a department of mathematics is that it is cheaper to do this than to institutionalize all those people:-)

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. For a writing prompt, she gave each student in her class the first half of a number of proverbs with the assignment to complete them.

Students submitted the following:

As you shall make your bed so shall you……….mess it up.
Better be safe than………………….punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the …………………………bug is close.
It’s always darkest before…………daylight savings time.
You can lead a horse to water but…………………..how?
Don’t bite the hand that……………………looks dirty.
A miss is as good as a……………………………..Mr.
You can’t teach an old dog new…………………….math.
If you lie down with the dogs, you’ll..stink in the morning.
The pen is mightier than the………………………pigs.
An idle mind is…………………..the best way to relax.
Where there’s smoke, there’s………………….pollution.
Happy the bride who……………….gets all the presents.
A penny saved is……………………………..not much.
Two’s company, three’s…………………..the musketeers.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you,
cry and……………………..you have to blow your nose.
Children should be seen and not………spanked or grounded.
When the blind leadeth the blind………get out of the way.

When the school librarian announced her taking on a new assignment at another school, one of the teachers asked a student, “Why do you think Ms. Cordwell is leaving?”.

The third grader replied, “Because she’s read all our books?”

English as a Second Language (ESL) provides ample ground for little mishaps:

“Do you like this food? I made it from scratching.”

“I never liked mushrooms, but now they are beginning to grow in me.”

“Do you like your coffee cremated?”

“I usually worm up my food before I eat it.”

“If I had a child, I would raise it on the bottle.” (Thanks to Yuko K!)

At the school, where one of my acquaintances worked, the two first-grade teachers were named Miss Paine and Mrs. Hacking. One morning, the mother of a student called in the middle of a flu epidemic to excuse her daughter from school.

“Is she in Paine or Hacking?” the school secretary asked.

“She feels fine,” said the confused mom. “We have company and I’m just keeping her home.”