What is a Strumpfhosen Polizei, you may wonder? Well, in Germany, some neighbors will watch out to make sure your toddler, kindergarten child, or elementary school child is properly dressed. I wish there were some regulation on when Strumpfhosen (tights) season begins and ends so I could set my opponent straight if I am within my legal time frame.

First of all we need a definition for this kind of patrol:

“The societal department charged with the regulation and control of the Strumpfhosen affairs of a community, mainly the department established to maintain tights control, and to prevent and detect negligence. The Strumpfhosen Season begins on 1 September and ends on 30 June.”

My daughter (sons do not have to wear tights, as far as I know) often leaves the house under-dressed by German standards. Occasionally she might mention someone has commented on her dress code. It becomes more personal when we leave the house together and she is wearing summer clothing on a cool spring day. One of our neighbors, an excellent member of the Strumpfhosen Patrol, approached her by saying: “Deine Mama hat Dich aber nicht richtig angezogen! Hast Du keine kalte Beine?” (Your mom did not dress you correctly! Don’t you have cold legs?) I was standing right next to my daughter, and this reproach was about me to her. I ignored it. That same neighbor chided me for not carrying an umbrella in a sprinkle of rain. No, I did not catch pneumonia, either.

Our daughter also puts on a bikini in the house if the sun is out on a winter day while snow is covering the ground. Yes, there have been times when I told her to put on a bit more clothing in anticipation of a visitor. She also walks barefoot on tiles in the winter and she is as healthy as a horse.

When I was a child, I was also told not to sit on cold steps as this would give me a bladder infection. But not many kids sit there long enough anyway to even catch a cold rear end.

In Japan, young children are made to walk outside in shorts and t-shirts in the winter time. This strengthens their immune system and the sight of this would weaken many a German mom’s heart.

The official end of the Strumpfhosen season is coming soon; therefore, you can get some on sale. Just type Kinderstrumpfhosen in your search engine. Mine brought up 11,000 results.

It is time for another liberation – maybe global warming will help this along by killing this apparently successful tight industry in the long run.