The psychology teacher had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the students. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the teacher asked.

“How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”

A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered,

“A basketball coach?”

A professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with any.

“Joe,” he asked, “which company has the slogan, ‘Come fly the friendly skies’?”. Joe answered with the correct airline.

“Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, ‘ Don’t leave home without it!’”. Brenda gave the correct credit card company without difficulty.

“Now Johnny, tell me which company bears the slogan, ‘Just do it’?”

And Johnny answered, “Mom.”

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.

“The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.”

He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?”

At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, “How much for a season pass?”

The Grade 2 students returned to class after the long weekend…

and their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.

First Pupil: “I visited my Nana.”
Teacher: “Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother.”

Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo.”
Teacher: “Please, you had a ride on a train.”

Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time.”

Teacher: “Excellent. And what was the name of the book?”

Third Pupil, with a big grin: “Winnie The Shit!”

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”